melodies

One of my favourite parts of a long trip is that I can let my thought wander. Here in Sarawak, my road trip will always be at least an hour ride. Unless it is a short trip to the reservoir or Lubok Antu, all the other trips require at least an hour depending on my driving speed. I can listen to my favourite songs. I would always sing along until I can feel that my throat is too dry to sing anymore. Haha..

Anyway, there are always chunks of memories which come along with these songs. Some would bring images and some would remind me of my beloved prophet. Some would remind me of my responsibilities and some songs would remind me of my brothers and sisters who are suffering in Palestine. Haih… Each songs would pull the strings of memories which I let loose. Some other songs would make me smile because I could remember the remarks that come with them. I could also picture Brisbane River, the road to St Lucia, my room in IPBA and our jaulah in Brisbane. I would remember my beloved sisters and many more.

One song would remind me of the prophet. Like what Sami Yusuf said in his song “we miss you desperately”. If I ever get the chance to meet the Prophet, I think I would run and hug him. It feels as if he is family. I can’t quite describe where the Prophet fits in but at times I miss him so much that I’d really wish that I can meet him and see how he really looks like. I have learned so much about him. However, I also know that meeting the Rasulullah is not easy. Zainab al-Ghazali got to meet him in her sleep when she was tortured in the prison. She got to meet him when she was tortured so badly that only a true believer can stand that kind of agony. Haih, every time I reflect on my iman, I don’t think I’ll ever get the chance to meet him. Often, I talked about lots of thing. However sometimes I am afraid that I am being hypocrite and I don’t walk the talk. (61:4) forgive me O Allah. I can only beg for YOUR mercy.

There were songs which I listened at a certain period of my life. At a time of life where I felt I could not go on and everything were so hard to do. It amazed me on how I have moved on and I think I have become a better person than who I used to be

I thank Allah for making me the way I am now. Sometimes Allah will ‘lay’ hurdle on the road that I am riding. These hurdles are hard to remove. It would need lots of mujahadah to clear the road. Yes, I believe all the hurdles which He has laid on my way are to purify my heart and to prepare me for worst situations in the future. I had done lots of discussion with a friend. We came to a conclusion that if we do not remove the obstacle or try to overcome that problem, the same problem will keep on arising in the future. It would then feel as if we are at the same junction of life and we have not moved on at all. Or maybe, we learned lots of new stuff but we’ll be walking on the same road over and over again because something has not been solved.

Someone mentioned this to me a few weeks back

“Afifah, Afifah. Dapat pergi daripada sebesar-besar bandar ke seulu-ulu tempat. Apalah yang Allah dah sediakan untuk Afifah?.”

Her words have made me reflect. Yup, she is true. I have been sent to Brisbane city. I lived in the middle of the city where everything was within my reach. I only had to walk a few blocks get to settle any matters. Then, I studied in KL. Oh yes, a metropolitan city. I did not have to worry about my transportation. Everything that I wanted was easy to reach. I used to wake up to the sound of machines, renovation and development being made everywhere. Now, Allah has sent me to Kenyalang. Kenyalang: a place which is so alien to me that I had to learn to adapt. To be more specific I am now in Lubok Antu. The name of town itself would send negative images to our mind. Haha. Don’t worry, alhamdulillah I have not met any of them (hopefully I never will). Instead of waking up to the sound of drills and machines, everyday I wake up to sound of the crow of rooster and chirps of birds. There is a mini mountain behind my school where if it rain at night, I can savour the view of peaceful mist surrounding it in the morning. I think I am falling in love with this place (err… minus the shortage of water, once in a blue moon blackout and my boisterous 3B – I do love them but (sigh) it is super hard to teach them). Why am I still being ungrateful with everything that I have been blessed with?

What actually am I trying to say here? Memories of the melodies. Oh yeah, the things that I have learnt so far. Yes, thank you Allah. Thank you Allah for the good memories. Thank You Allah for times of affliction. Thank you Allah for guiding my paths. I beg YOU O Allah, not to let me go. Hamdan Lillah, Syukran Lillah

I seek refuge with You from helplessness, cowardice, laziness and senile at old age; I seek refuge with You from Fitan (trials and afflictions) of life and death and seek refuge with You from the punishment in grave.

(Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol. 4, Hadith no 77)