it's what best for me

How often do you really want to do something but Allah does not allow you to do so? Sometimes, you can’t help but wonder why even though you know very well that you do not have the right to question Allah’s will. At certain time, you can’t help thinking ‘if only’ if only I could.., if only I am allowed to…. These questions will be roaming in your mind wishing this and that.

However, the mission of a true Muslim is s/he wants Allah is to be pleased with him/her. And so do me. I have been questioning Allah’s will for many times. Why can’t I? Why? Especially if it is something that I’d really really want. But then, I am just one of His servant. Why is it so hard to accept what He has decided what’s best for me?

i was told for many times, each time I am about to do something, I have make sure that the beginning start with something that He pleases. For countless times, I have thought of this and I am sure I have not started my mission well. There must be some flaws here and there. I am sure there id something which I overlooked and I am pretty sure that I did not have the right intention when I wanted to go to KL. I did not do it in the name of Allah but because I want to meet them. Hmm.. maybe that’s why Allah did not allow me to go.

Another thing, I have unfinished business in JB. Huhu. Wish that the rest of my syura are here. I need them so badly. But then, why did I not ask from Him? Isn’t He supposed to be the only one that I ask and plead from?

In the past, there have been many occasions which I felt that Allah has not fulfilled and heard my pray. Yet, in the end I always find myself thinking “Alhamdulillah, Allah has made me to do this and that”. Well, go figure. Isn’t He the best planner? So, as His servant, I have to learn to accept anything that He has lined for me. Accept and be happy and be content. Even if it something that is opposite to your wishes. The road towards being a faithful servant of Allah will not be smooth and showered with smiles, happiness and thinking that all you wish may come true. No doubt it will be hard. But hey, if the Rasulullah and the Sahabah can do it, why can’t I? They were all just normal human being. What makes them really special is that they have unwavering faith in Allah and His messenger. They had been on tough journeys and suffered badly.

I can’t help thinking. Why didn’t I count all the blessings that Allah has showered me with? He has given me life, born as a muslimah, reward me with iman. For the last few weeks, I have been in and out for countless time with my family. I get most of the things I wanted. Allah does not allow me to do only one thing and now I am whinning? Astaghfirullahalazim. Forgive me o Allah for being such an ungrateful servant.

Well, with that thought, I think I should close my case. It’s just a reminder for all of us. Usually all we think about is all the things that we couldn’t reach and we tend to forget to look and see carefully those which are in our possessions. These are the ones we should be grateful.