post mortem: nearly 2 months as a teacher

It’s now my second month as a teacher. Do I really want to do this? Nisa’ entry made me think. I used to love my 5Ds. Oh yes, they were naughty, they made me scream, and gave me headache of thinking the best way to reach them. But they were also the reasons of why I went to school. They made me laugh, smile and enjoy teaching.

What about my new school? Hmmm… I admit that I do miss these kids when I missed classes. About my 3b students…. I’ve surrendered. My task of taming my 3b boys is facing a dead end. I am now holding a cane in my 3b class. Just to make sure that they sit and listen. However all I got is ignorance from these kids. So, I’ll ignore them for the time being. I want to see if they really want to learn or not. I’ll focus to those who listen to me. I know this is bad. But I have tried everything that I could. It’s not fair to those who want to learn. I know I should not ignore them but I’ve totally lost control of this class. Everyday I read surah Taha:1-5 hoping that Allah will lembutkan these children heart.

My year one is still ‘tame’able. Just make sure they stand in front of the class and ignore him/her for a short period. It’s funny because one of my boys ended up crying because he was playing while I was trying to tell the class something. Just a little note: if you punish a student, make sure you praise him/her when he/she is allowed to sit or join the class. Just to let them know that you do not hate him/her but you are angry because he/she misbehave.

I like it when they asked me “ Cikgu kenapa cikgu tak masuk kelas kami” “ Cikgu hari ni cikgu ajar tak” and the greetings that I get every morning when I step out of the car.

I have to admit once in a while I do feel homesick. Last week I went back just for the weekend. I know it was crazy. Haha… I had to travel 4 hours by bus to kuching and then take a flight to reach home. But I was soooo homesick that I had to go home. The ‘great’ thing was I bought the wrong ticket. My flight was supposed to be at 0845 and I thought it was at 845pm. I panicked. At last, I had no choice. I had to purchase a new ticket. Ka ching ka ching.. There goes a quarter of my first salary. Alhamdulillah, I feel much better this week. I feel recharged. I needed to know how it feels like to be safe and sound. Something happened the week before and I felt quite insecure. So my brief 28hours at home was really helpful. It didn’t feel that short actually. It felt as if I had a looong weekend.

I do know classroom management is my main problem. I’ve faced this problem since prac. I have no consistence in my action. I have to be garang. However, being garang is not easy with a bunch of kids who knew that they can play tricks with this teacher. I do feel sad. I am sad because I could not reach them. I know I have been whinning all along. I’ll try my best. Hoping that these children will know that it’s not my hobby to punish and scold them. I had to do it to make them listen.

Maybe I am the reason for these problems. Maybe I had not prepared my lesson well. Maybe I forgot to ask for HIS help and guidance. Our hearts are in HIS ‘hand’. I may not get it if I did not ask from the 'owner' of these hearts.