Today I walked out of my class feeling frustrated. They have been misbehaving for the last four days. I know that my patience are thinning off. Sometimes I do feel like 'shaking' the whole class. I feel like throwing the chairs and tables so that they know how angry I am at them. However, as usual all I could do was shout, SHOUT and SHOUT. One thing for sure, I AM tired of shouting. I am tired of holding the cane. and I am tired walking out of the class knowing that I did not achieve my learning objectives. I am giving them cold treatment at the moment. I would stand in front of the class for 15 mins and just stare at them hoping that they can understand my body language. However, I am pretty sure that they barely get my message. "Takpe, cikgu dah berdiri kt situ setiap hari. Ok je tu". I am so tired of doing the shouting that for many times I have to stop my feet from walking out of the class.
After being a teacher for 6 months, I am still not sure if I do really want to do this for the rest of my life. My class control is quite bad. It is because I am still new or am I too lenient? I do enjoy doing this but the classroom management is quite a big issue. I do feel helpless especially when I am in 3B. 5A is way too talkative. The 4A students are too 'manja'. Really, it is up to me to control them. But being me.. I can never be too strict or hold my 'garang' look especially if someone crack up a joke in the class.
Another thing which really added up my level of stress is that mak keep on telling me to complete my record book. To do choral speaking for the kids. She keeps on saying "jangan sampai budak tak boleh baca". This is what I think everytime mak talked about these things "Mak, pah ajar dah diorang baca. Habis tu kalau diorang tak nak dengar cakap pah nak buat macam mana". I have tried my best. I'd really do. It's not that when I go into the classroom, I will sit and just stare at the kids. This is the 'good thing' of being anak pengetua cemerlang. She knows everything. She knows that there are 7 files for SPBT. She knows about TOV, head count, etc. Sometimes this really stress me out. She knows that my school should be repainted. The grass should be cut. I should do this... that ... and many many more.
Last week I watched "what a girl want" on channel 2. One of the sentences which got my attention was "You have been writing the story for me for the last 18 years. Now, let me write my own story." It's exactly how I feel about my life. My parents have been telling me what to do that I feel as if that there are many things I am unable to do. They have been 'directing' the story of my life. Not that I am saying that this is bad but at certain times I do feel as if I have been 'caged'. I know that they want the best for me. But... you know...
Anyhow, looking at the brighter side of life, alhamdulillah, now I have two housemates. They are here for practicum and I am glad to have them here. At least, I have someone to talk too. And the best thing is that person is not at the other end of the line. Instead of the lauk koboi that I always cook for myself, now I get to eat proper meal. The best thing is I get to know what and how they cook many types of sambal, sayur and lauk. Nyum nyum. My favourite at the moment is kak biah's sambal belacan. It is very different from my version of sambal belacan.
I think I must stop now.
Till then, wassalam
After being a teacher for 6 months, I am still not sure if I do really want to do this for the rest of my life. My class control is quite bad. It is because I am still new or am I too lenient? I do enjoy doing this but the classroom management is quite a big issue. I do feel helpless especially when I am in 3B. 5A is way too talkative. The 4A students are too 'manja'. Really, it is up to me to control them. But being me.. I can never be too strict or hold my 'garang' look especially if someone crack up a joke in the class.
Another thing which really added up my level of stress is that mak keep on telling me to complete my record book. To do choral speaking for the kids. She keeps on saying "jangan sampai budak tak boleh baca". This is what I think everytime mak talked about these things "Mak, pah ajar dah diorang baca. Habis tu kalau diorang tak nak dengar cakap pah nak buat macam mana". I have tried my best. I'd really do. It's not that when I go into the classroom, I will sit and just stare at the kids. This is the 'good thing' of being anak pengetua cemerlang. She knows everything. She knows that there are 7 files for SPBT. She knows about TOV, head count, etc. Sometimes this really stress me out. She knows that my school should be repainted. The grass should be cut. I should do this... that ... and many many more.
Last week I watched "what a girl want" on channel 2. One of the sentences which got my attention was "You have been writing the story for me for the last 18 years. Now, let me write my own story." It's exactly how I feel about my life. My parents have been telling me what to do that I feel as if that there are many things I am unable to do. They have been 'directing' the story of my life. Not that I am saying that this is bad but at certain times I do feel as if I have been 'caged'. I know that they want the best for me. But... you know...
Anyhow, looking at the brighter side of life, alhamdulillah, now I have two housemates. They are here for practicum and I am glad to have them here. At least, I have someone to talk too. And the best thing is that person is not at the other end of the line. Instead of the lauk koboi that I always cook for myself, now I get to eat proper meal. The best thing is I get to know what and how they cook many types of sambal, sayur and lauk. Nyum nyum. My favourite at the moment is kak biah's sambal belacan. It is very different from my version of sambal belacan.
I think I must stop now.
Till then, wassalam
1 comments:
Pah,
*hugs* i know ur feeling..exactly..err almost d similar situation there.
cume lately, abah dah bagi freedom sket utk decide things in my life. weee~
All d best Pah. Always think positive ye!
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