Now and then

Salam wrb,

During holiday, I found my record book during practicum last year. I read my reflections and I find this one very meaningful. Here goes....


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Reflection Week 12 – Final reflection

This is my last week teaching in Sekolah Kebangsaan Alam Damai. Practicum is coming to an end. My next visit into a classroom would be as a qualified and ‘licensed’ English Language teacher.

I admit that I feel quite sad to leave these students. I have learned to know and love them. Before this, I have seen pictures of trainee teachers with their students. At that time when I looked at the pictures, I did not realise that the students have feelings, identity, past, background and many more. I imagined the students more of like a person waiting to receive knowledge from the teacher. Now, I have learned that when I am teaching, I need to consider where these students come. I need to know how much they have learned. I must also know that I need to choose my words carefully as I may motivate or demotivate them to learn.

I also forgot that being a teacher is not merely making them understanding certain concept. Teaching is more than that. As told by a Guru Besar Cemerlang who came to IPBA early this year a good teacher needs to be funny, need to know the content of their subject, empathetic and many more. I laughed when the students make jokes. I panicked when one of the students were not well. I was worried when I realised that the students’ proficiency are very low. Now, I know that teaching is also about touching another soul.

When I first stepped in 5 Dinamik, these students were just students. I was afraid that I would not be able to teach them as well as my co-operating teacher, Pn. Wong. I was fascinated on how well Pn. Wong was able to get the students’ attention and giving them so much at the same time. I was also afraid that I might not be a good teacher as it was my first encounter with real pupils. In this course, we had done microteaching, at least once. During microteaching, I dealt with trainee teachers pretending to be kids. Now, I have understood that teaching adult pretending to be kids and teaching real children is totally different.

I knew that I need and I will learn a lot of things during practicum. As mentioned in previous reflections, I am learning to take control in the class. Practicing a theory is not as easy as learning the theory. I may read hundreds of classroom management books. However, if I do not start to practice the concept that I have learned, the theories will remain as theories. I would never be able to control the students. I have also learned that I need to learn to be firm too. It is harder for me to control the younger students compared to the older ones. It was harder to control them because at the beginning of practicum I was too kind to them. As a result, the students did not follow my instructions.

I also know that before I step into my next class, I need to learn my content well. Sometimes, I found myself in a situation where I am not sure how to explain to the students. I knew that I know the concept but how do I deliver my understanding to them. Relating to my experienced in 5 Dinamik, most of the time I wonder how I could make them learned English Language. If I spoke only in English, most of them will look at me blankly. I could use body language for the action verbs. I could show them pictures to help them learn about noun. However, the main question is “what should I do to make them want to learn English?” Pn. Wong told me that when a teacher is teaching in the class, the teacher has done his or her part. The next seventy percent of understanding and learning comes from the students’ own effort. Till now, I am still unable to find the answer to this question as realised that everyone is different. Thus, I cannot expect only one way to motivate the students. I think different people have different reasons of why they learn something. Some could be because of their interest. For some people maybe because they are pressured by their parents. For other people maybe because they are lucky that they are born in an environment where they are exposed to the language.

Besides, I learned that being a teacher also means doing a lot of administrative work. The English teachers are busy with School Based Oral Assessment. The class teachers are required to collect and key in the students result after each test or examination. The Guru Penolong Kanan needs to make sure that there are relief teachers so that the students are always under a teacher’s supervision. When the examination week is coming nearer, the question papers need to be copied and compiled.

In a nut shell, I had a great time in school during practicum. I know that being a teacher is not easy. I would have to struggle in my first two years. I have to improved a lot of things too. However, as my father has mentioned, ‘if you enjoy doing something, the task will not be a burden for you”. I could not agree more. I also learned that I am not teaching a group of robots which are waiting for me to insert the input into their system. I need to consider a lot of factors which include the students’ physical, emotion and mental being when I am teaching. Nevertheless, this will not stop me from wanting to be a teacher. As a saying goes, “a journey starts with a single step”. I am taking my baby steps. I will fall and sometimes I might drop and cry. I am also praying that I will not lose my passion of wanting to be a teacher for I had a really good time in school despite of some hiccups that I went through.

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Now, I wouldn't say I my classroom management has improved. I am still struggling to make them sit and listen. I do not know if teaching is THE thing that I want to do. I admit that I do enjoy being in class. I do enjoy being a teacher when the kids seems to understand what I teach. I love being a teacher when the kids greet me with a big smile outside the classroom. I love being a teacher when some of the Year 1 hug me. However, I will have such strong negative vibes when they ignore, being disruptive, wouldn't care to listen and play when I am teaching. I wouldn't blame the kids. I would blame my lack of class control.Kids will be kids no matter what. I wonder. Will I ever be able to control my class? I hope it is only the first few years of my teaching career. If my class control is still like this in the next five years, I seriously am thinking of changing my career. Why? Because I can't go on step into the class with a frown and shout all the time with half the class running and talking when I am teaching.